Susan went to Acme Sweatshop on Friday prepared to sleep over. Luckily, the husband was able to get her out and they took an expanded commute home dodging fishtailing cars and snowy ditches. They made it all the way to the end of their block before getting stuck. Susan shoveled snow till she was dizzy and nauseous. She isn't used to performing manual labor beyond lifting a heavy cast iron pot to the stove. She doesn't have the stamina or the lower back of a young woman any more. She trudged home and dispatched her son to help his father while she shoveled knee deep snow from the street to the driveway. Eventually the car made it up the driveway and her family members into the house where they've been ever since because Susan's block has not yet been plowed. Susan has been thoroughly enjoying her snowy weekend relaxing in her PJs, making chili, catching up on her twistedsusaning, taking naps, corresponding with friends, making carrot ginger soup & Moroccan whole chickpea hummus, reorganizing her bedroom closet and doing all manner of leisurely indoor things. Unfortunately, being snowed in also resulted in no Sunday papers and having to beg a hand me down can of Folgers from Susan's non-coffee-drinking next door neighbor who was nice enough to personally deliver the stuff in the height of the blizzard. The Folgers can reads 'Wake Up To Rich, Pure Taste', they must be referring to any other coffee in the world because the brown water their grinds produce is foul and putrid. Enjoy your week, guys!
On this day seventeen years ago Susan became a mom. Susan's son, age 3.25 years: You stink, mom Regarding a 4th birthday present: He's a nice fish and a very good swimmer Age 4.75: Mom, it's so tricky to be good Preschool note sent home by Miss Linda: Sean was in time out many times today for spitting in his friends' faces Age 5 sez canoonan when he means knish In first grade: Eating is gooder than learning because it makes you live. How can learning make you LIVE? First grade report card, 2nd trimester: Sean continues to exhibit excessive talking. This can hurt him academically as he does not often listen to assignments. He often finishes last due to talking. Question, unknown age: Except bombs, what can explode? Age 7.75 at the dinner table: But mommy, I've already had enough bad stuff today then crying: It's the horriblest squash in the world! Age 10, upon seeing a picture of Klansmen: Why are they dressed like Hershey Kisses? Age 16.99: I want a Funfetti cake for my birthday
Of course she'd be all set if a rogue cocktail party broke out, but her beloved lime juice enjoys other legitimate uses; drizzled over apple slices that travel with her for a workday snack, mixed into Heinz ketchup along with chipotle for a vibrant condiment, combined with powdered sugar to make a limey glaze for her banana bread and lastly into her tea, ho hum.
At the very slim juncture after she juiced her limes but before she threw out the carcasses, she read an article on how to clean your bathtub with a grapefruit. Susan's enthusiasm for homemade cleaning products began four years ago when she was unemployed so, the grapefruit thing intrigued her. In addition, her bathtub was filthy and ripe for such an experiment.
In lieu of the grapefruit Susan took her thirty spent lime halves, a box of kosher salt and headed toward the bathroom. Twenty minutes and one cramped hand later she proclaimed the tub clean!
Susan invites everyone to do their part to save the environment, if you choose to read the above referenced article be sure to scroll down read the comments from the two a**holes who wrote:
Oh, please!! I'm NOT going to waste a perfectly good grapefruit when I can use something else. This is ABSURD! Useful tip for those with an abundantly-producing grapefruit tree. Ridiculous for everyone else. What a waste of food and money.