12.30.2011

Susan’s computer decided to work in one more F*ck you, Susan! before the end of the year.

OMG, Susan can’t wait till the husband gets paid and buys her a new laptop.

Can’t wait.

She’s going to throw that 1.5 year old m*therf*cker into the toilet then pee on it.

Until that magical time arrives, let Susan use an entirely different computer and catch you up on all she’s been doing through the holiday season.

Susan looked forward to watching each of her children perform in their school concert, although she had difficulty remembering which instrument her daughter played. Initially she told an interested party that it was the violin. Then she told a different interested party that it was the flute. However, the instrument that her daughter has been practicing and playing for two years is actually the clarinet.

It was much easier for Susan to remember that her son is in the chorus because she loves him more.

Twice that week Susan sat in the high school auditorium stuffed with wretchedly dressed parents. There were sweat pants, mens’ tee shirts, sweatshirts and ball caps a plenty…on the moms.
The women of Susan’s neighborhood now all dress as if they came directly from blacktopping the interstate.

On Christmas morning as is their custom, Susan’s family met at the local diner for breakfast with her little sister’s family, minus one brother in law. Susan lost count of the number of families who wore their pajamas out to eat eggs in public, including one college aged girl who wore fleece footie pajamas.

Alas, there is no longer a dress code in Susan’s neighborhood.

Later, Susan rolled out a twenty pound pan of butternut squash, carmelized onion and spinach lasagna using a recipe that she found in the November issue of Cooking Light. Her little sister and nieces, all good sports, excitedly exclaimed ‘I’ll try it!’

She sobbed real tears as she scraped the remaining 19.75 pounds into the garbage an hour later.

During Susan’s computer black-out period she also met a favorite girlfriend for dinner, smeared moldy chapstick on her lips, failed to reorganize her pantry, planted an amaryllis bulb and stayed home sick one day.

7 comments:

The Zadge said...

Sounds like one big pajama party in your 'hood. HAPPY NEW YEAR, Moldy Lips!

Where the Fur Flies said...

Especially since I started working from home, I try really hard to keep up the habit of dressing as though I was going into the office most days. As much as I do love my pajama days, I don't want to get into the habit of dressing like a slob every day - I think it reflects on how you feel about yourself too.

Happy New Year!

Pix at Under the Oaks said...

Susan! My laptop shot craps Christmas Eve and I got and stayed incredibly cranky until I picked up a zippy new one yesterday! I can hardly wait till you get your new laptop because I know how hard it is without a computer!

Anonymous said...

I want to know when the amaryllis blooms.... and what the husband gave Susan for Christmas and if her children became children again for the day.....
Happy 2012 to you all!

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

Susan, I cannot tell you how much I lament today's societal dress code. Thank you so much for dissing P.J.'s in public, I could not agree more!

Happy New Year!

Dawn in D.C. said...

What Meg said. I cannot stand jammies in public.

Great summary!

Happy New Year, my friend

tattytiara said...

Oh. Dear. I believe I just developed a chap stick phobia.