Susan uses old tree stumps in her yard as side tables and additional seating. Until recently they were all situated around the fire pit, but then they fell apart. 
They totally disintegrated. 
Since their sad demise Susan has been on the hunt for new stumps. She needs them to be a particular height and width but most of all, they must be level. 

She told Wild Bill, a bonifide tree guy, and he assured her that he'd throw some world class stumps into the back of a truck and bring them over. Unfortunately, he returned to Dueling Banjos, NC before he could accomplish this mission, leaving Susan bereft of stumps.

For months, any time she saw a pile of tree stumps she'd assess their size and shape but always found them lacking. 

Passing by her next door neighbor's house Susan's heart stopped. 
Stumps!
An entire row of perfectly dissected stumps were set out at the curb. She, the husband and daughter rolled the four best ones home. They were heavy bast*rds and required quite an effort just to make the short trip to Susan's house. Once there it was impossible to get them over the curb. She left them in the street and waited for her son, the wrestler to get out of the shower.

The wrestler said that he would do it tomorrow, which is his response to almost everything he's asked to do. Susan insisted he roll her stumps into the backyard. The wrestler went outside and like an angry gorilla with super strength he picked them up one by one and heaved them over the fence into the yard. 
When he caught Susan's stunned look, he almost smiled, but opted to maintain his angry teenage demeanor instead.
As it should be.

Susan's stumps are awesome.