Susan can't BLAHg late at night because there's little quality control after 1 am, plus she just has to rewrite everything the next day. Even when she's done a good job on her modest assemblage of paragraphs and sends them out into the world, she still sneaks back to edit.

Lately Susan's BLAHging talents have gotten a little stuck. When the self revelatory brilliance she's composing is still a muddle of crap after three weeks she just chucks it. Same with anything that may inspire even a single person to feel sorry for her. There's no reason for feel sorry for Susan except when she has to sit through Super Troopers on Family Movie Night.

Double grieving has taken the fear out of a few things. For example, at work our favorite claustrophobic has taken to hopping on the dreaded elevator just for the hell of it. Sometimes twice a day. She even crawled underneath the deck at home to retrieve some flattened milk containers which had flung themselves out of the recycling bin. This behavior is quite unusual for her.

Susan's almost at the six month mark.

In the early days of her grief she cycled through misery followed by recovery then normalcy.

Misery recovery normalcy misery recovery normalcy.

Once again she's back to being pretty stable although she cries every day. Quick bursts, multiple times, then she's done until the next time. Which could be two minutes later. Susan doesn't avoid her grief, she tells herself
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
It's been working.


Pix Under the Oaks said...

Susan I am so sorry. I am not good with words. I lost all my blogger contacts when the blogger reader thingy shot craps after I had moved to Wordpress. I found Feedly Reader but didn't get all the blogs I followed moved to the new reader. For some reason that I can't remember, oh I was looking at an old post of mine this morning and there you were in comments. I didn't think you were blogging anymore but I clicked on your name and found that your Husband had died. I am so so sorry. Sorry he is gone, sorry you are sad, sorry you are left without him and sorry I lost touch with you. I just had to type some words to you. I have always loved your words and thought of you as a wonderfully witty, kind person. I have always wanted to have lunch with you or have a wine time together. You are so much stronger than I could ever be... I know Susan does not even want to hear that.. :)

Pix Under the Oaks said...

OhMyGod my brain just registered Cousin Lisa died too. Speechless. My heart cries for you. I wish there was one thing I could say or do that would make this day, one moment, or some one thing better for you.

Twisted Susan said...

Pix, I am OK! Thank you for your lovely words, you have already made me feel better.