In the beginning Susan felt scared when she cried, she didn't know how deep the pit was. After a while she saw that she could withstand it, she could walk around in the middle of it and not be swallowed up.
Susan gets shanked by grief. It's always something simple, a song lyric, a line in a movie, a tiny unpredictable thing that triggers a very acute, stabbing memory. She never knows when it will happen. Everything could be going along great, then it flips, and the full understanding of her loss hits her in the heart.
The husband showed her that it was possible for someone to see her at her worst, at her most criminally insane and still love her. Year after year.
Susan doesn't shy away from the hurt, and yet she still doesn't think that she hurts enough.