Susan got up early on a beautiful morning and met her pal, Annie Tumbles* for a bit of yardsale-ing & togetherness after a long absence. Susan drove while Annie Tumbles navigated, doing an exemplary job of sniffing out the best spots in a variety of neighborhoods.

Two minutes into their first stop Susan scored a classic Chemex coffee maker for the preposterous price of three dollars. The husband of the seller, a dude with a bandana and a sharp knife, overheard Susan strategizing how she was going to outline the edge of her deteriorating leather bag with black electrical tape to keep it from tearing any further.

Sidebar: Susan employs black electrical tape as a solution to any number of problems.

The dude was of the opinion that electrical tape would peel off immediately and suggested black duct tape then went inside to get some. The dude had Susan lay her bag on a table and pull the edges taut as he carefully affixed the duct tape then trimmed it with his knife. Susan, Annie Tumbles, the dude and his wife all conversated amiably during the operation after which Susan thanked him by folding a dollar bill into a ring. As she folded his ring she explained that this was a skill taught to her by the husband during the early days of their courtship, and perfected over time on bar tops. The wife considered that to be a good bar pastime 'I never know what to do in bars but get in trouble'.

Even though Susan was in love with these two she had to break up and move on.

At their next stop, a house whose construction looked to be patched together with spare parts, Annie Tumbles took a shine to a mandolin and began negotiations with the old Chinese man occupying the yard until he was revealed to know little English beyond 'Yeah, OK'. His Turkish Son-In-Law came out to give an inflated price for the pretty pear shaped instrument, but even without a sale he was a talker, so he & the girls talked. As soon as he mentioned he had a son Susan wondered aloud what the combination of Turkish & Chinese might look like, so he called inside for his little son to come out and 'meet the ladies'.
Verdict: a near equal fusion of Chinese features & Turkish coloring.

At yard sale #3 Susan paid a dollar for both a wind-up nun & an old timey Mammy salt shaker, had a nice chat with the seller, and met a woman buying a small pair of military wings to place at the grave of her nephew, an Air National Guard Staff Sergeant who was killed in Afghanistan during his fourth tour. Coincidentally, Susan drove past both his wake and his funeral back in January.

Seen on the street: A fella with a crazy Kid 'n Play haircut who caught Susan pointing at him so she thought fast and gave him a thumbs up for that head of hair.

#25 was run by Grizzly Adams' biker grandpa.
There were motorcycles, tires, Harley stuff, semi circular farming tools, a bear rug, a taxidermied pheasant, gauges, small appliances and a soft leather halter adorned with feathers & beads which started a conversation between the girls & Grandpa Adams regarding who might be the likeliest candidate to wear such a thing. On the topic of aging Grandpa said 'We all had our turn.' On the topic of aging & relationships he said 'I told my wife, you were sixteen once, get over it.'

Seen on the street: A gentleman riding a bike with his dachshund sitting up front in the basket wearing a teeny white helmet.

The girls ended up in a consignment mall where they ran into seller #3 while Susan was purchasing a Pee Wee Herman doll for $15. But, their day was not quite over. They still had to get a flat tire then pull over in the shade next to a creek filled with turtles and frogs and little fish and wait for AAA to come rescue them in the form of a strapping young Jamaican fellow named Leons (Yes, Leons). Then they went home.

*A few years back Susan's friend Annie & her husband Jimmy came to Susan's house for friendship & tequila. When Jimmy tumbled into Susan's neighbor's yard the husband renamed him Jimmy Tumbles. 


Kathryn said...

When you die I get old timey mammy. I want it in writing so your kids can't claim they no nothing of my request.

Twisted Susan said...

I, Twisted Susan, being of soft mind and softer body, upon my death do hereby bequeath the yard sale salt shaker known as 'Old Timey Mammy' to my best & only sister.
Signed electronically with an X.