3.29.2009

On The Run

Susan's hand-me-down van is currently uninspected. She's not going to explain why because who really cares and she's got her reasons.

The expired inspection sticker differs greatly in color from the inspection stickers of compliant vehicles, and therefore sticks out to anyone paying attention. Susan has managed to elude the police on more than one occasion. The fact that she parked in the criminal court parking lot for almost three weeks undetected by anyone in a position to give her a ticket is bloody lucky.

However, she finds herself scanning the horizon for patrol cars & making unplanned lefts or rights to stay out of their way. One close call came as she was in the left hand turning lane. A policeman drove past, eyeballed the inspection, then eyeballed Susan. He put his blinker on to turn around as Susan's lane got the green arrow. Heart pounding she stomped on the gas pedal and made the first available turn off the road then sat there till the coast was clear.
The other day Susan found herself driving right into a police roadblock. She was trapped like a rat!
She mentally adjusted to the situation and rolled her window down in preparation for the conversation the officers would want to have with her. She took note of where she could pull over. She leaned toward the window and looked at the officers. She was ready to be cute.
They waved her through.
Wait. What?
The officers waved her through.
Susan kept going and watched in her rear view mirror as the officers jumped on the car behind her to get it to stop for them.
Susan kept going.

2 comments:

khuberreckson said...

Being Susan’s little sister and in keeping with her police theme, I wanted to share my what not to do while driving at lunch time on the Northern State. The other day a person in my household, who shall remain nameless, broke my favorite IKEA, accordion, 2 sided, bathroom mirror. This person shall remain nameless not because I want to protect them, but because no one has fess’d up to doing it. Even though this favorite mirror of mine has hung on my bathroom wall, enlarging my face, for 5 or 6 years I was very happy see that IKEA still listed it for sale on its website, and was even happier to see that it’s still only $9.99. IKEA wouldn’t let me order it online and since IKEA is an hour away from home, but only 15 minutes from work, this meant I was taking a field trip to IKEA during my lunch hour.

So off I go the next day to IKEA with money in hand to buy my mirror and IKEA’s 100 pack of tea light candles for $4.99, which last forever and I burn like there’s no tomorrow. While I’m driving on the Northern State, my cell phone rings, but since I’m driving and the cell is usually at the lowest point in my bag, I missed the call. When I found the cell and saw that I missed a call from Ron, the fella I shoot weddings for, I needed to call him back. In one swift motion I redial Ron, put the cell on speaker phone, (so as to oblige state cell phone law), and wedge the phone into my steering wheel (it fits so perfectly between the handle and center part it’s as if Toyota and Palm were in partnership). As I’m wedging the phone into the steering wheel, I glance at the speedometer – I’m doing 80! As I’m saying “CRAP 80!” to myself, I pull my foot off the gas and look up just in time to see a State Trooper to my right poised to catch people doing 80 or talking on their cell phones. However, as I’m hitting the brake, hanging up the cell, screaming a potty word, I notice that the State Trooper is not holding a speed gun in my direction, but is playing with his cell phone. I checked my rear view mirror a few times to make sure Mr. Trooper was not following me, but I knew I was safe

Perhaps if State Troopers drove Toyota Camrys and not Ford Vics, and could wedge their cell phones into their steering wheels, they’d have more free time to catch people on their way to IKEA doing 80, but thankfully they don’t drive Camrys.

My new IKEA, accordion, 2 sided, bathroom mirror looks lovely.

TWISTED SUSAN said...

Are you blogging my blog?
Step off, sister.