For the first time in months Susan;

• Finally saw buds on the trees in her neighborhood
• Opened her windows 
• Gave her toes a pedicure
• Went to yard sales
• Wore flip flops off premises
• Turned the outdoor spigot on
• Moved around the deck furniture

She is filled with hope that spring may actually have arrived

Susan LOVES cleaning the bathroom, she saves this treat for Saturday mornings, unless she was previously inspired to do so on Thursday night because someone made it smell like urine.

Let's talk about that.

It's been Susan's experience that people with penises pee on the floor. They probably start out pointing at the toilet, but the urine doesn't end up there. She's not quite sure what goes on to divert the stream, but at the very least they should clean up after themselves.

Saturday mornings find Susan on her hands and knees, her face inches away from a place not meant for faces, breaking her elderly back just so she doesn't have to lie in bed and smell urine.

You didn't know that Susan lived in a pig stye with farm animals, did you?
Well, her secret's out and she hopes you won't think less of her.

Hooray, it's a new work week!
Isn't that amazing!
A. May. Zing!

Who wants to hear about the delicious dinner Susan made when she got home from work?
Everybody does!
Well, hold on to your horses because she's going to tell you all about it.
Susan opened a box of cereal, dumped it in a bowl and poured milk over it.
Just like that.
Dinner!
OMG, and it was amazing!

Who wants to hear all about the totally awesome love story that Susan has with her amazing husband?
They're soul mates you know.
Well, he used to be married to somebody else and now he's married to her.
And she totally loves to listen to every word he says because he's awesome!

Her kids are awesome too because she made them in her own body using love and sperm!
It's an awesome combination.
She's so blessed!
She loves the word blessed because it's so amazing.

Susan loves EVERYTHING!
Don't you?

Susan fell down yesterday.

DOWN.

She hit a wet patch and the next thing she knew the floor was coming toward her face in slow motion.

Susan prefers to spend most of her time upright, or at least seated, so she was kind of stunned to find herself on the floor in front of an audience. Her enforced respite didn't last long, before she had a chance to yell OMG, what are you doing? her co-worker was picking her up in his arms. It took him two tries, because you're heavier than you look he explained.

Susan didn't seem to be any worse for wear and was tremendously relieved to see that nothing bad happened to her beautiful vintage pants, the lined ones with a wide cuff. Unfortunately, by the end of the day it was revealed that the heel of her much beloved shoe had been compromised.

Arghhh!

Susan ran out of underwear on the last day of the work week so she pinched a pair of the husband's briefs.
They fit although they came up a bit high, like granny panties. 

She wore the husband's briefs back when she was pregnant, they enveloped her in cottony happiness and greatly influenced her mood at the start of the day. Pregnancy is all about discomfort first, and the wonder of new life second, soft underwear was a big deal for Susan.

Of course, the current issue is how does an almost 53 year old woman run out of underwear?

It must be the same deficient household management that had her out of napkins, hand soap and ice cubes. Yes, Susan makes her own ice cubes just like a mid century modern housefrau, no fancy fridge for her. Not that she wouldn't f*cking LOVE a roomy fancy fridge with an ice maker and pull out freezer on the bottom so that she doesn't have to bend all the way down to search for the sour cream or pickles. 

More hausfrau: Susan made the mistake of lingering too long with Beverly Hills Housewife, Kyle and saw her wearing this fantastic faux protective garment and now she wants one.

Susan wanted to promote, once more, the exhibit that she loved so much in the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It will be open until her birthday on June 9th in case you don't have anything better to do than see an interesting exhibit of graphic artwork by ordinary nobodies who, in many cases were working out their inner demons.

Last night Susan was sitting in her living room lamenting the dearth of material for her BLAHg when some movement outside the window caught her eye.

Mister Drunk, who you may recall lives in the house diagonally across the street, turned on the light and was walking around unclothed. Susan was fortunate enough to only catch his back end, but she'll admit to watching until he pulled his pants on and turned the light out.

This is not the first drunk neighbor's private area that she's seen while minding her own business. In her previous neighborhood she saw a twat and an ass on different summer days, both in the front yard.

Have a great Thursday, everybody!

Susan got out of the house last weekend and exposed herself to some art in Philadelphia. It was a last minute invitation extended by Susan's little sister and eldest niece when their original travelling companions dropped out. Susan doesn't harbor any insecurities about being second best so  she packed a bag, grabbed her daughter and ran out the door.

They started at The Rodin Museum:

                                    They went across the street to see a fantastic exhibit at the PMA:

                                After hours they sat on the grand staircase listening to Susan's most despised style of music, progressive jazz which was made tolerable through the magic of appetizers.

Their day ended with Indian food, which is truly Susan's idea of heaven.

The next morning everyone got up early and Susan discovered that her eldest niece becomes mouthy and unreasonable when she is hungry. While they waited for her to wrap up her morning routine they watched forty minutes of John Wayne, Sophia Loren and Rossano Brazzi travel through the Sahara desert.

Susan knows just what you're thinking and agrees; that is a crazy trio.

For breakfast they went to the Reading Terminal Market. Susan and her little sister dedicated part of their morning sniffing spices and teas before snagging some garam masala and smoked salt. 

The rest of the day was spent admiring the city:

                                                                                                               Eating lunch:

                            And supporting the Philly Aids Thrift Shop:

Before grabbing a bubble tea in Chinatown for the ride home.
Bye Philly, here's some big fake smiles!

                                        *Editor's note:
Three of the photos were taken without permission from Little Sister's FB page.