Susan's got lots of stuff to tell you but she wanted to make sure you caught her current domestic situation; 
Susan is ALONE. She is the solitary human resident of her house, just her &  Lucy the four legged squirrel killer. 
Susan is no longer raising her family, she is one hundred percent nobody needs her ALONE.
Does she miss having her family sitting at the dinner table like they did every night for 18 years? 
Duh, yes. 

Susan is nothing if not adaptable. 

Being home without any hope of someone walking in and interrupting her simple train of thought is really kind of FRIGGIN' AWESOME. 
Underpants only dress code, awesome.
Cleaning the bathroom & finding it still clean the next day, awesome.
Cooking or not cooking, awesome.
Sleeping alone in her kingsize bed, well that's not so awesome although she likes the option of piling everything she's reading over on the empty side. Susan still sticks to her side of the bed which surprises her because back in the day she'd spread out across its entirety if the husband was not available to take up his half.

Susan is still talking about the husband.

It's been a while since she's calculated how long she's endured without him; 1042 days. This number, while impressive, is only a portion of the 20 years, 2 months & 15 days they were married. And that's not even close to the full amount of time they spent running around with each other prior to their legal union.

Anyway. 

Without her kids in the house Susan has to do all the chores that she would have previously pawned off on them, like taking out the garbage. However, this small domestic drudgery has already rewarded Susan with being in the perfect spot at the perfect time to watch Mrs. Drunk lurch up her front steps and fall through her screen door into the house. This was followed almost immediately by the detached screen door sailing through the air out onto the front lawn.

Susan actually had to put her hand over her big mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

If you have a minute CLICK HERE or HERE or HERE or HERE to read a few stories about Mr. & Mrs. Drunk.

Susan went out on a Friday night to hear her friend's band play in a neighborhood bar. It was just like being back in high school except everybody in the bar was old.

Like her.

The music was really loud and Susan felt confined because she couldn't talk. A contributing factor may have been that Susan and her posse were right up front. Once they repositioned themselves it was more comfortable and Susan's Guinness sodden conversational ability was given some elbow room.

Since this was a neighborhood bar, specifically in Susan's neighborhood, there was always the chance that Mr. & Mrs. Drunk may stumble in. Other than waving from across the street Susan does not like to promote any unnecessary interaction between herself and The Drunks. They aren't bad people, just not anyone she wants finding their way up to her front door.

The evening was low key and friendly but Susan doesn't really know what to do with herself in a bar anymore. She's not a dancer and there's only so much she can drink before it becomes counter productive. The group was winding down when Susan spied Mr. Drunk twenty feet in front of her. She immediately brought this to Little Sister's attention and within ten seconds found herself shoved out the front door and onto the street along with the rest of her collective.

This portion of the evening was over. Fifty percent went along with Susan for coffee and tea, the other fifty went home.

Last night Susan was sitting in her living room lamenting the dearth of material for her BLAHg when some movement outside the window caught her eye.

Mister Drunk, who you may recall lives in the house diagonally across the street, turned on the light and was walking around unclothed. Susan was fortunate enough to only catch his back end, but she'll admit to watching until he pulled his pants on and turned the light out.

This is not the first drunk neighbor's private area that she's seen while minding her own business. In her previous neighborhood she saw a twat and an ass on different summer days, both in the front yard.

Have a great Thursday, everybody!

Guess Who

Susan and her husband enjoyed an evening out at the home of one of her co-workers. They had fun talking and eating and drinking Polish beer.
Eventually they returned home to find an idling van partially blocking their drive way.
The husband tapped the horn.
The van moved up a bit.
The passenger door swung open and a leg came out, followed by another leg.
Shortly an entire disheveled female body came tumbling out backwards. Susan immediately became aware of a bit of extra flesh as the Disheveled Tumbler's skirt had ridden down far enough to expose some ass cleavage.
Can you guess whose ass Susan was looking at?
Sure you can.

A Little Drunks Story

Early Saturday evening Susan borrowed her little sister's membership card & set out with her children to the local discount warehouse to purchase $170 worth of olive oil, dog biscuits and Craisins. The husband was left in peace to watch his beloved Yankees from a favorite seat,
the chair in their bedroom. It's a nice set-up, the chair is close to the TV and next to the window, the ledge of which he uses as a perch for his cup of tea and whatever trash he produces while he sits there.
The view from the window looks diagonally across the street to the front of the Drunks' house.

Susan recalled that she had seen Mr. Drunk earlier in the afternoon, shirtless and slightly unsteady as he stood in the front yard surveying his newly varnished fence.

The husband soon became aware of a small commotion in the street. Apparently, Mr. Drunk had wedged himself into a child's Big Wheel. Susan doesn't understand how Mr. Drunk could fit himself into a Big Wheel, but this is what the husband told her, which was later corroborated by her next-door neighbor, so obviously this is possible. Anyway, Mr. Drunk rode the Big Wheel between his house and another house a few doors down the hill connecting them, which triggered a shouting match.
It's Susan's understanding that Mr. Drunk and the resident of the other house have a history of mutual aggitation, so it's natural that Mr. Drunk would wheel himself back home cursing and yelling.

The object of Mr. Drunks' adolescent tirade did not follow him up the hill, so Mr. Drunk stood alone in his yard spewing a sloppy soliloquoy of threatened ass-kickings.
At some point Mrs. Drunk came out to calm him down. This was a new role for Mrs. Drunk, she must have been a few cocktails behind her husband and therefore held on to some semblance of normal thought.

Susan's husband reports that Mr. and Mrs. Drunk continued yelling at each other for 20 minutes. Susan doesn't know how it ended because when the husband realized she was going to blog about it he stopped giving her information.

The Drunks Were At It Again. Oy!

Susan was up very late last night reading.
She read without a care for the hour, or her bladder or what she would wear in the morning to her recently acquired job. She was happy to have only the quiet of a Tuesday night to keep her company.

Susan was comfortably situated near an open window in her living room when she became aware that Mrs. Drunk was out in the street. Mrs. Drunk sounded sloppy and stupid, which means she was speaking in her normal conversational tone.

Since Susan was not being directly addressed she was able to put aside the moderate disturbance caused by Mrs. Drunk and continue reading. Susan is able to tune out all sorts of background noises thanks to training provided by her children. Anything really loud like the sustained shrieks of a toddler or something heavy crashing down the stairs or a car alarm will be impossible to ignore and demand investigation. So, one can imagine how much attention two car alarms going off in the wee hours of a Wednesday morning would require.
Lots.

The first alarm went off directly in front of Susan's house. She expected the car's owner to fly on winged feet to quiet the ear splitting racket, but this didn't happen. Instead, the alarm of a second car began to clang and crash and roar. This made Susan hop up and walk outside where she observed someone resembling Mr. Drunk, illuminated by flashing headlights, dancing to the monstrous beat of the dual alarms.

Susan was joined outside by her husband. The two watched in quiet unison as each car was eventually rendered silent with the turn of a key. A 'sorry' was tossed in their direction and once again the street became just what it should be, quiet and dark.

Susan and the husband went inside, shut the door and went to bed.

Saturday, Midnight

As she was preparing to go to bed Susan noticed a car idling in front of her neighbors, the Drunk's house.
She believed the car had been there a while so she peered through the window to survey the situation. The car looked to be a patrol car. Susan turned off all the lights in order to remain undetected while she peered.

Indeed it was a patrol car. Susan couldn't see very well from that window so she repositioned herself in her son's room for a better look. Yes, now she could see. The policemen remained inside the car while Mr. & Mrs. Drunk stood alongside the window deep in conversation.
Were they being arrested? It seemed not.
Were they leaning on the patrol car? It seemed so.
Are you even allowed to lean on a patrol car?

Susan cracked open her son's window hoping to catch part of the conversation. Unfortunately, Susan's mongrel dog had followed her into the room. It was walking around with it's overgrown nails clicking on the wood floor, snuffling & snorting, making a racket. Susan chased the mongrel dog out of the room and turned her attention back to the Drunks.

She couldn't hear much. Mrs. Drunk mentioned her brother twice. She said something, quite conversationally, about 'when we lived there' but Susan couldn't hear the rest. Mr. Drunk was asked to confirm a telephone number. That's all Susan got.

It was a nipply March night, foggy and wet, but Mrs. Drunk was standing outside for an extended period of time in some sort of sleeveless shmatta talking with the officers, who never left their vehicle. Were they just chatting?
Wasn't she cold? The open window made Susan cold.

Don't police officers get out of their cars to shine lights into windows or investigate things?

Mrs. Drunk walked into the house leaving Mr. Drunk outside to finish his conversation.

Susan was perplexed by the whole situation.
Mr. Drunk went inside after a few more minutes. He closed the door.
The policemen drove away.
Susan went to bed.