Susan's f*cking computer is out of commission again.
Did you hear her put her fist through the wall?
How about when she was throwing sh*t all around the house, did you hear that? The only thing that kept her from really going crazy was that it wasn't her hard drive. Again. The point of entry for the power cord will cost $130 to be soldered back in place. Until that magical transaction occurs she's sitting at the dining room table using the husband's relic, the one she spilled sangria on.

So many exciting things have happened to Susan since last she blogged.
First, she had a piece of home made chocolate cake with peanut butter filling that just ruined her for any other cake.

Next, a recurring house guest sent her an ice cream maker, which is a bloody awesome gift to give someone. Susan's daughter, the floor installer, immediately made strawberry ice cream. This was followed by the most painfully tart and sweet lemon sorbet, which got eaten up by a house full of puckery faced guests. Doesn't a limey, minty mojito sorbet sound fantastic? Yes, it does!

Then, Susan's friend GP came for a visit with her little dog, Sadie who was immediately set upon by Lucy. Sadie was snatched up in Lucy's pit bull teeth and shaken from side to side making a reality of Susan's worst expectations. Lucy went at Sadie twice, ignoring all hysterical instructions to the contrary, then released the pup and stood calmly looking at Susan.

Miraculously, there was no blood and Sadie walked away without so much as a limp although the dogs cannot be in each other's company. So, when one is inside the other is outside. When both must be inside, one is upstairs and the other downstairs.
Oh, my.

3:30 am GP awakened Susan with Sadie's having trouble breathing! Susan stumbled out in her underwear to research the address of the 24 hour veterinary  hospital in her county. She remembers a story told by Cousin Lisa's brother, Captain Andy, of his own dog's emergency followed by the general location of the hospital and 'if ever you need one'
Susan sent GP off with directions and the prophetic
It's gonna be expensive.
And it was.
Susan's in for half.

Oh, and Susan would like everyone to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to her daughter, a brand new teenager!

Susan's brain doesn't work properly anymore.
After dinner Susan and her little sister were sitting on the couch rubbing their bloated bellies separated by Lucy, the lucky pit bull. Lucy wasn't rubbing her belly, she was licking her lady parts until Susan nudged her to knock it off. Immediately after Susan let Lucy lick her face. Lick her face!

Susan didn't even realize there was anything wrong with that until her little sister looked horrified and said Ew, I'm not kissing you goodnight. How could Susan's brain forget from one second to the next where Lucy's tongue had been?

Susan's never let any other dog get anywhere near her face but she's made exceptions with the new dog because she still misses the old dog.
This doesn't negate the fact that Susan's brain doesn't work properly anymore.

Susan walked downstairs to put something away in the guest room closet and was immediately met by a foul yet familiar smell.
She saw that the door to the guest room was open. Susan has previously expressed her preference that it remain shut when no one is bunking there.
Susan took a few steps in and gasped.
Dog poop!
She went back upstairs and looked at Lucy who was already in full-on cowering mode; head down, tail curled between her legs, slinking away toward the back of the couch.
Susan rubbed the top of Lucy's head then set about gathering supplies to clean the poop from the cheap area rug that was mistaken for a toilet. Halfway through Susan had a better idea, she rolled the rug up & handed it over to the culprit who left both the basement and guest room doors open last night.
The daughter took it outside and left it with the garbage.

Susan's family's new used dog is a pit bull mix named Lucy.
Lucy was pretty low key and not much of a tail wagger her first night, it probably had something to do with the big shaved patch & row of stitches near her lady area.
However, when Susan's little sister's family came over with dog cookies Lucy revealed herself to be a humper.
She smelled like a dog pound dog so Susan dipped a washcloth into warm water mixed with a little bit of dog shampoo and gave her a sponge bath. Later on Lucy rolled herself into a ball on the couch next to Susan and they watched Dogville Shorts on Turner Classic Movies.

Susan wonders how anyone could have passed by her lovely little Lucy in her cage at the shelter without taking her home.