OMG guys, Susan was so busy last week throwing out food spoiled by her no longer functioning refrigerator that she never told you about the husband's eldest daughter's visit over the weekend.
The last time Susan saw her was here, and that was a long time ago. Normally Susan is very entertained by the husband's daughter but Susan practically didn't even care that she was coming because Susan was really only interested in the daughter's twin boys. Twin boys!
The parents walked through the front door each carrying a chubbly wubbly nineteen month old in need of a haircut. Interesting distribution of genetics resulted in each boy resembling one of the parents but not each other.
Very quickly it was revealed the neither was going to fall in love with Susan during their short visit.
It was a hot day, Susan was sweating and behind schedule, as she usually is, so she jumped in the shower then ran out to the supermarket. Upon her return she became reacquainted with what it's like to have toddlers in the house. Each was stripped down to a diaper and beyond adorable.
They very suspiciously eyeballed Susan,
one was intrigued but the other wanted nothing to do with her.
Susan knew exactly what he was thinking, Forget this b*tch, mama.
The mother of the twins offered them some hummus, the boys displayed their discerning palates by dipping in their crackers, sucking the hummus off, then dipping them in again until the crackers became too soggy for another trip. This didn't bother Susan, it takes more than sloppy babies to turn her off to food. However, wiping their sticky hummusy fingers all over their bare baby chests was a little yukky. When they climbed up on mommy to wipe their fingers all over her clothes, Susan moved away. That was her limit. The delicate Susan is barely able to hold herself together in the summer heat and found it too hot for twins with messy fingers.
The twins were very charming toddling all over the deck, babbling mama mama mama mama mama mama mama, both hoisting themselves up on her lap at the same time using her shirt for leverage, rubbing their little faces with their chubby hands. Susan made herself an alcoholic beverage with a lot of ice.
A short few years ago when the generation immediately behind Susan began having babies Susan felt sort of pushed out of the way, even though she couldn't have any more babies and she really didn't want any more. Susan understands that she no longer has what it takes to do the grunt work.