Susan and her daughter made these donut holes yesterday for their dinner guests. Susan ate them till she was sick and now she can't button her pants. Make them yourself if you dare.

Susan is sort of missing Wild Bill who just up & took off without so much as a text goodbye to his sisters.

But, he's easy to track down and they anticipate that he'll be back in the summer. Hopefully alone.

This photograph of Susan with Wild Bill and their little sister is from way back in 1988 when little sister was
in the family way with the first of Susan's nieces. The photographer, Wild Bill's girlfriend at that time, remains one of Susan's favorite friends and periodic houseguest.

It's also nice to know that the years haven't beaten the sibs up too badly.

Susan would like everyone to send a little love and prayers out to
sweet Dawn.

Susan can't do everything.
She can't work ten hour days at Acme Sweatshop and have time left over to drink sangria and BLAHg.
She can't do it, she's only one person and a very low energy person at that.

If she BLAHgs then she can't read her pals' blogs, and when she reads her pals' blogs she can't always come up with a decent comment.

Susan employs an alternating schedule of BLAHging or reading blogs or sleeping. Sometimes she has to work in a marital obligation or two and then everything's thrown off.

Susan's done bending over.
She's been bending over for almost five decades and she's through with it. From now on someone else can bend the f*ck over.

She's already abdicated vacuuming, which requires tons of bending over. Did she say abdicated?
That's incorrect.
She meant to say that she engages in the same argument every Friday night with the son about vacuuming on Saturday morning. If he's unavailable on Saturday morning then the vacuuming is to be done on Friday night. But, not only does she have to argue with the son she's also got to argue with the husband about not arguing with the son.

Somebody's insane and it's not Susan.

Next, Susan will no longer be bending over to pick up the change that falls out of the husband's pockets when he takes his pants off. Susan's husband doesn't even attempt to pick up the change, like somehow it's not his job. She hears the change hit the floor every night and thinks the same thing I'm not bending over to pick up that f*cking change.

She's not bending over to pick up other people's belongings from places they shouldn't be. She's not bending over to get a new garbage bag from underneath the sink or to clean around the toilet or to pull laundry out of the dryer or to unplug the printer in order to get it out of the dining room when there's company for dinner.

She'll bend over to fill the dog's bowl that's it.

Happy St. Valentine's Day to Susan!

She received a heart shaped box purchased from a real chocolate shop which was tied up with a wide satin ribbon and filled with dark chocolates. Score!

She broke with her selfish protocol by suggesting that the husband present it to both her and the daughter.

Sometimes she does things just to make other people happy.

Susan's son remarked to Susan,
I can't wait till I get a car, know why?

Her brain immediately ran through all the reasons an newly minted fifteen year old might have;

To pick up slutty girls
To drive really fast and cause accidents
To do three sixties over the frozen lake like Susan had seen someone do the other week.

OMG, no!

Me and my friends are going to drive to restaurants and tell them it's my birthday so that we get free food.

Susan broke into a BIG smile, danced a little jig and gave silent thanks to the Lord, God Almighty for keeping her son sweet a little while longer.

Susan is delighted to report that she had absolutely zero exposure to the Superbowl on Sunday. Nothing.
No lame commercials, no halftime show. Who was even playing? It could have been the Jets and the Sharks for all she knew.

Instead, she spent those hours in the company of Nigella Lawson.
Nigella showed Susan how to make paella.
Then she showed Susan how to make an egg and bacon salad.
Then a voluptuous fruit tart.
Heavens!

Susan is smitten, she could watch Nigella cook until the end of time. Nigella is all soft roundness and femininity and cleavage with a little swing of the hair.

Susan and Nigella have a few things in common;
They are the same age!
The both like garlic oil!
They both use a rice cooker!

Susan wants to know how Nigella removed her fruit tart intact from the deep sided flan tin with fluted edges.

Susan's friend Fireball surprised her with the most wonderful gift; a BIG bag of dark chocolate covered almonds.

Please indulge Susan as she describes the almonds to you.

First of all, they are AMAZINGLY CRUNCHY. For someone who adores crunchy things, they are the epitome of crunch. Just fabulously crunchy.

Next, the chocolate covering is DARK CHOCOLATE, not that wimpy milk chocolate that everyone loves. Milk chocolate does nothing for Susan, although she has been known to eat more than her share of it. Susan is all about the intoxicatingly dark, barely sweet chocolate.

Lastly, the chocolate is more of a dusting over the almonds than a layer allowing Susan to eat more of them per serving.

The lovely bag of almonds are locked inside the little baby fridge that Susan keeps in her teeny little office. She doesn't have to hide them from anyone, they are there waiting for her whenever she wants. Just for her.

May God bless and keep Fireball.

Susan walked past a television set at the exact moment that Oprah was asking Jennifer Lopez how she manages with two little ones at home. She imagines that Oprah was referring to Jennifer Lopez's career making billions of dollars while raising twins.
Jennifer Lopez's started to explain by saying 'Like any working mom...' and that's when Susan's emotional barometer went all the way to HATE.
F*cking dopey b*tch.

Last Friday night, Susan realizes that Friday night was ridiculously long ago, but last Friday night she had a previously established date with Cousin Lisa. Due to an extreme case of Workplace Freak Out Susan cancelled Cousin Lisa.

As the week progressed and Susan got a handle on things she reinstated the date with Cousin Lisa. Then Susan got a phone call from her pal and periodic house guest, GP who was in town for one night only.

Susan's second cancellation of Cousin Lisa didn't go over well.

Susan and Cousin Lisa have a long standing history of lengthy conversations and were able to talk through their way through this little blip. Susan apologized and admitted to not knowing what to do after she accepted the invitation then found that GP had driven thirty hours to her side of the country and only had an availability for the same date.

It's certainly easier to reschedule with Cousin Lisa than it is with GP, so is that the criteria that should be employed to determine the answer? Maybe it had been tricky for Cousin Lisa to arrange, maybe she was looking forward to seeing Susan, maybe she just didn't want to give her up.

The outcome was that GP got to watch Susan argue with her family all night over a range of topics including, but not limited to; vacuuming, strawberry jelly and the lack of adequate income.