Susan found this game in which you choose a $9 an hour job and then figure out how to get through a month of bills. She had the daughter play & then ridiculed her for buying health insurance and spending money on the family pet.
The kid is hopeless.

Over the weekend Susan spent an entire afternoon baking a fresh lime chiffon birthday cake for her little sister then made everyone insist that it was delicious.  The margarita cake with tequila glaze was her first choice but it was inappropriate for both birthdays and children.

She's got her cake goal for next weekend.


Susan has continued to comb fleas out of Lucy. It's just a few every other day, and the dog rarely scratches, but there's still more than 10 days to go before her next Frontline treatment.

Susan bathed Lucy in the marvelously fragrant all natural shampoo previously approved by cousin Lisa and now her hands smell like clove oil. When she's not huffing them inside a paper bag she's sticking them under the daughter's nose saying smell my hands.

Thanks to the change of seasons & a bit of muggy rain, the past week has been a bonanza of smells that Susan loves, other than stagnant water under her sink.  All Susan's fave smells have to do with trees; pine trees, decaying trees, smoke from firewood and dirt.
Susan likes dirt.

Every day on her way to work Susan drives through a section of the pine barrens & past two pine prserves. Regardless of the weather she rolls her windows down and gives a nod to God for that perfect solitary pleasure. 

Susan has memories going back to grade school attached to the fragrance of trees; class trips, summer vacations in a cousin's cabin (Hello cousin Kathleen), camping in her twenties and long Labor Day weekends in Seattle (Hello April and Lisa). There's nothing better than walking outside on a freezing winter night and smelling the smoke from a neighborhood of fireplaces.

Unrelated to either fleas or trees, if you want a treat go watch Susan's current favorite movie.


Susan came home for the second day in a row to an awful smell in her house. She assumed it was a combination of closed windows, farts and the dog but soon suspected that was not the case.

Everyone in the house smelled the smell, except for the husband whose nose is for decoration only. Susan sniffed her way from room to room asking each member of her family if they knew what a dead mouse smelled like. No one knew.

Her nose led her to the space underneath the sink; ground zero. The smell made her stumble backward and drew her children in to yell ‘Ew, it SMELLS!’ Even the husband caught a whiff and came in to investigate.

A small leak from the new sink & faucet ended up as a tub of thick, cloudy, stagnant, stinky water. Susan handed off the disposal & cleanup to the husband and fled.


Cousins Veronica, Susie, Lisa, Melissa, Caroline & Kathy.


Over the weekend Susan completed her 17th year of being married to the same person which was commemorated by a dinner of Indian food and a movie. At the theatre Susan was given the senior citizen discount because she was standing too close to the husband. Later, she found twelve dollars on the floor.
It was a good anniversary.



Susan got new slang flashcards at the mall and she's teaching herself to talk cool like the inner city kids and rappers.

She already uses simple terms like down (in agreement, indicating willingness to participate), crew
(an intimate group of friends with whom one is most publicly associated) and aiight (often used as a generalized term of approval). She thinks chillax (to pass time in an unstructured, comfortable, stress-free manner, usually at a residence) sounds silly although many of her associates use it.

Right off the bat she can use jawn
(a substitute generic term for any person, place or thing for use when the actual word cannot be readily recalled or identified). Fresh to death (truly superlative especially as it relates to a condition of trendiness or fashion forwardness) might get some use, same with shake the spot (to leave, depart). She likes what it do
(an expression of informal greeting) because it reminds her of being a teenager in the '70s.

Steez (style & charisma which is uniquely one's own), trill (genuine, authentic) and jockin' (1: flirting- 2: imitating- 3: ingratiating oneself for ulterior motives) might take some practice.

Next, Susan's got her eye on corporate flashcards so she can learn to talk like a suit.


The son has been saying that Lucy the lucky pit bull had fleas but Susan chose to do nothing until he reported seeing one jump up, jump up and get down. Then the daughter saw one do the robot.

Susan grabbed Cousin Lisa and headed out to the local pet superstore, the one where people bring their animals. Susan doesn't travel with her dog and doesn't understand why anyone would want to get their car all full of hair. Conversely, some people might not understand why Susan spends a half hour ironing her white blouse with the intricately ruffled collar. Whatever.

Susan was deciding between two chemical laden treatments when Cousin Lisa, ever the natural woman, held up a shampoo with peppermint oil & clove extract. Susan is powerless to resist clove extract, so, ridiculous or not she bought it. Plus, it was buy one get one free. A flea comb and some dog treats later Susan was out the door.

Once home Lucy was shampooed and combed, her dog bed was thrown out and Susan got on the internet. She replaced Lucy's heavy fabric collar with a bandanna dipped in tea tree oil then she boiled all available citrus fruits (goodbye cocktail essentials), liquefied them in the blender, strained them through the sieve twice and decanted them into a spray bottle for a natural flea deterrent. She's taught the whole family to comb the dog & squish any fleas, of which there haven't really been many, against the teeth of the comb. Susan will also introduce a dietary supplement of brewer's yeast which she recalls from her days as an owner of flea infested cats.

She'll monitor the situation but she's completely aware that she may be kidding herself.

Susan's Kidding Herself: The Update.
Susan's little sister came over, took a look at all the natural bullsh*t and made some snide remarks. Susan recognized the truth in her ridicule and sent the husband out for Frontline.