11.17.2017

Susan heard three ghost stories the other night told by the two friends who experienced them. 

Rob's story involved shadowy forms outside his window that would float inside and disappear into the corner of the living room, up near the ceiling. Their appearance became so commonplace he would casually say 'Oh, the shadows are back again' if he saw them while he was on the phone. None of this alarmed him believing there was a physical explanation for which he was simply unaware, except once. Back then he had a dog & one night the dog's barking woke him up, when Rob emerged from his bedroom he saw that the dog was barking up at the corner where the shadows always went. 
'That scared me.'

Mark had two stories. 

The first one took place in the basement of an old house in which a dentist's office had been established. The house sat on Main Street with the Cedar Hill Cemetery behind it. Mark arrived to fix something in the basement, the staff directed him from the top of the stairs after which he went down and got to work. The basement was made of stone in the way old basements are, and Mark was there for approximately fifteen minutes when he saw a man dressed in black wearing a fancy hat walk from the doorway, cross behind him and disappear into the wall. He walked as if he was angry and he glared at Mark as he passed.
Mark hot-footed it up the stairs where the staff all asked Did you see him? Mark made such a commotion with his answer that the dentist came out and asked him to quiet down. Mark left. 'I made my partner go down there and get my tools.' 

Related: If you recall, last Saturday Susan went to a little local cemetery to say hello to someone she used to know. Well it was that cemetery.

Mark's next story is about George the ghost but it'll have to wait till tomorrow.

11.16.2017

All day long Susan thought that Thursday was Friday, it started on Wednesday night when she thought it was Thursday night. Even when she looked at her calendar her eyes kept zeroing in on Friday's schedule, not Thursday's.

Despite that confusion & the morning's downpour of rain & her ongoing poison ivy she had a good day. It started when she allowed herself the luxury of sleeping till almost 8:30am. Then there was a Friendsgiving planned at work which meant homemade FOOD! Susan is still observing her month of no additional sugar but she treated herself to the apples from inside a slice of apple pie. 

After work there was an impromptu gathering of some friends where personal ghost stories were exchanged. Susan doesn't have any ghost stories, but two in her group did. She'll tell you about them tomorrow.

11.15.2017

OMG, Susan has poison ivy again. Arggh! 
For the last three years she has gotten poison ivy at the end of November which keeps her scratching for two weeks. Always on her right arm. She knows this because she has intended, on the first of the last two Decembers, to have a bit of her beloved Cousin Lisa's handwriting tattooed inside her right wrist but has been thwarted each year by the damned poison ivy!
It is Susan's recollection that Cousin Lisa was not a fan of tattoos, so naturally Susan assumes it is she manipulating things from her current control center, keeping Susan's delicate skin from being permanently pigmented.
Go ahead Cousin Lisa, do what you can, Susan will wait you out. 
And thanks for keeping in touch.

Read more about Susan's poison ivy HERE.

11.14.2017


Cousin Greg assisted Susan in the relocation of her daughter's bed from her house to the daughter's off campus bedroom, and by assisting Susan means he did everything. Cousin Greg lives approximately fifteen minutes away from Susan's daughter which is pretty convenient, but he also lives an hour from Susan in the opposite direction which is pretty INconvenient. So, he had to drive an hour away from his house, disassemble the bed, pack it nicely in his truck then drive back to fifteen minutes beyond where he originated, carry all the bed components & mattress up a crazy amount of steps and reassemble everything. Susan contributed by keeping all the bolts and screws in a bag and remembering to bring them with her. She also provided the energy Cousin Greg would require for this ordeal in the form of an Egg McMuffin.

Not missing an opportunity: While Cousin Greg was in Susan's house she also had him hump a Queen sized mattress up twelve steps.

Susan told Cousin Greg he was like her rubber husband, which now that she sees it in writing doesn't sound very flattering, but means that he helps her do things that she can't do alone like that disc of rubber which helps weak-armed ladies to grip & twist open jar tops.

Anyway, during their three hour adventure Susan got to see her daughter, see where she lives and meet her roommate, MD. Susan also got presents from the daughter's trip to Morocco! 

Related: remind Susan to tell you about when her daughter went to Morocco at the same time Susan went to Paris.

After Susan kissed everyone goodbye she went directly to meet up with Christine and Crazy Debbie, together they helped a mutual friend by getting her house ready for Thanksgiving company. At the end of the day all Susan wanted was to be back in her own house and lie on the couch with Lucy. So that's what she did.

11.13.2017

Susan had a long Monday that started when she woke up & went to work leaving her weekend company to fend for herself with the two dogs, one of which is a killer of small furry things. Susan is happy to report that GP and Big Steve departed without incident and are free to return for another visit.

Susan did a bunch of things on Monday which put her in other people's homes and required a lot of driving. When she finally got back to her own home she just crashed on the couch & was too pooped to BLAHg. She'll hip you tomorrow when she has more brain power to make everything sound interesting, but here's a preview: Susan saw her daughter!

Oh, and Susan had a cut on her finger and it hurt all day. 

11.12.2017

Susan's Sunday began with a late wakeup & more grilled pumpkin bread for breakfast before driving an hour to an estate sale where GP negotiated a 33% discount on a very nice four panel Oriental screen. Since GP is not one for heavy lifting her partner Susan folded the thing up and started moving it with some difficulty through the living room. This attracted the attention of a kind stranger who assisted Susan with its removal. Then, with the help of a second volunteer, they stuffed it into Susan's car with only a modest amount of maneuvering.

Susan and GP took the scenic route toward home stopping to have crepes for lunch. Crepes, ooh la la! Post lunch they continued along the scenic route for quite a distance in order to pick up a fresh farm stand pie to bring for dinner at Susan's little sister's house. 

The estate sale, lunch and pie took all day.

Susan's little sister's house is a noisy place filled with people and animals, and there's always room for more. Big Steve got an opportunity to run around with his kind, sniff asses & lick turkey fat from greasy fingers. He may even have pooped on the floor.
Once back at Susan's the girls changed into their nighttime loungewear for an evening of Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries and Big Steve went to bed but not before peeing near the couch & pooping on the floor twice.

Day three, everyone made it through the weekend alive. 

11.11.2017

Susan's weekend guests had a good Saturday. 

Susan baked pumpkin banana bread which was nice in theory only. Susan always forgets that she never likes anything she bakes using pumpkin. She loves adding pumpkin to things like chili and brownies, but pumpkin baked goods are always a disappointment. That said, it didn't stop her from grilling a piece on the stove top & eating it.

GP wanted to get Big Steve's nails clipped in the morning, so everyone put on their cold weather gear and went to the groomer in between the bagel place & the hairdresser. Big Steve revealed that he really didn't want his nails clipped by trying in earnest to bite everyone & peeing everywhere. 

Noteworthy was Susan being referred to as GP's partner by the owner.

The trio stopped at the vet to pick up Lucy's prescription then they went to an estate sale in a tight little house with lots of small rooms, the sort of house that was not altered by anything other than new shelf paper. Susan purchased a framed print of Notre Dame sitting patiently just waiting for her to find it.

Related: remind Susan to tell you how she went to Paris in September.

After the estate sale they went to a little local cemetery to say hello to someone Susan used to know, then they went to eat but it took a long time because the waitress gave their food to another table, then they walked around town ending up in a small used book store where everybody bought books.

Related: The last time Susan was in that book store Wild Bill bought forty pounds of WW2 books.

By now it was time to head home, en route Susan stopped by the Jewelry Hospital to drop off a favorite earring which broke when when it fell into the bathroom sink, then the local chain pet store where she picked up a 2 lamb shanks and an an impulse purchase of a new ID tag which she fed into a machine and watched being engraved, before ending up in 7-11 for half & half and the marvellously entertaining New York Post.

Once home everyone changed into their loungewear, Susan threw a fake log into the fireplace, and the dogs who seemed only marginally interested in each other were kept on their leashes and out of striking distance, Susan was not going to be fooled. 

Day two, no casualties.

11.10.2017

Susan's weekend guests have arrived and even though she kept them waiting in her driveway on a very cold Friday afternoon they were still nice to her.

As previously documented, Lucy cannot be trusted around small furry things, or even small seemingly hairless bug-eyed things with a rat tail, but Susan isn't familiar with a beast fitting that description, certainly not Big Steve the chihuahua.

Susan let Lucy out the back door as GP and Big Steve came in the front door. He strolled around the house sniffing everything before establishing his temporary homestead in the orange guest room.

Eventually both dogs had to be introduced to one another, a moment Susan was dreading all week. She imagined Lucy busting through walls to devour all ten pounds of Big Steve in one bite. Instead both dogs were able to be restrained by a tight hold on their leash and eventually spent the night in each other's company, Lucy & Susan on one couch sitting opposite Big Steve and GP on the other. Susan rubbed Lucy's ears and kept the leash wrapped around her hand leaving only five inches to spare.

Night one, no casualties.

11.09.2017

Swim with the current
Be a good navigator
Stay calm under pressure
Be well traveled
Think long term
Age gracefully 
Spend time at the beach

Susan loves this card her Aunt Eileen sent after they bunked together during a trip to Florida. For five decades Aunt Eileen and Susan have shared ideas & had wonderful meaningful talks, there's always something new to learn.

Aunt Eileen snores.


11.08.2017

Susan is 57 but could easily pass for 56.

Today at work Susan was speaking to a 35 year old female seeking a job. During the conversation Miss Thirty Five wanted to write down the date she was scheduled to return. Instead of typing the information into the calendar on her phone, as most people would do, she pulled out an old school planner and explained 'I'm like an old lady...
Then she looked directly at Susan adding 'No offense' and continued talking.

For the rest of the day Susan's nickname was Grandma.

11.07.2017

Susan is trying not to eat any additional sugar. This enlightened decision was brought on by the frightening volume of leftover Halloween candy she has been consuming at Acme Heaven Sent. Susan was already starting not to fit in to some of her pants which is a feeling she does not enjoy AT ALL and bite size nuggets of every imaginable chocolate candy just made her feel like Eric Clapton each time she stuffed them into her mouth. 

Sidebar: Eric Clapton was a former world class heroin addict who started with sugar 

Susan also read THIS ARTICLE about going a month without sugar, which made it seem pretty easy to accomplish. Susan liked the idea of resetting her taste buds, learning which packaged foods hide sugar and making some changesThe article suggested that she read the ingredient list looking for things that end in '-ose'. Susan reads most labels anyway and could certainly do that much, right? The article included a simple interactive game where she clicked on pictures of packaged foods and the amount of sugar was tallied up letting her know how good or bad her choices were. Not exactly Cards Against Humanity, but she found it illuminating.

Anyway, that's Day 7. Read the article, it'll take 2 minutes. The End.

11.06.2017

Susan was drinking a smoothie in lieu of eating a proper dinner and texting her daughter and researching how much it is to order her dog's medicine online and putting away her groceries and listening to David Bouchier and writing a check and going through her garbage looking for a receipt and looking at cake decorating videos on Instagram and reading and yawning instead of BLAHg-ing.
Sorry.

11.05.2017

Susan stayed home all day in her PJs. She didn't do anything constructive beyond brushing her teeth, moving her clocks ahead one hour, and repotting her little rosemary plant

She had a nice chat over the phone with her dad about combating anxiety which is an important (and recurring) topic. She had an equally nice chat with her pal, GP about what they would do during her upcoming visit and how they would keep her chihuahua, Big Steve out of Lucy's grasp.
I watched her kill a squirrel like three weeks ago Susan offered, as if GP needed any reminder of Lucy's ferocity around small furry things. Click HERE to read about Lucy's run-in with GP's dog, Sadie.

Susan's gonna require Big Steve's paw print on a waiver.

11.04.2017

Susan had a Guinness for breakfast with her friend Cindy

After that she went to the thrift store and bought a green sweater, the cashier told Susan she had nice eyes

After that she went to the post office

After that she went to a local department store to stand on line & return some stuff

After that she picked up something she had framed & dropped off something to be framed

After that she went to the drive thru pharmacy

After that she went to the health food store and had a nice chat with the lady who works there. Susan spent almost fifty dollars which is a lot of money for the health food store, but two of the items ate up thirty four dollars because they were special

After that she went home to see her dog and listen to music and wash her sweater and text her son and talk on the phone with her pal Christine who described a disappointing visit with their mutual friend, and change her clothes before she walked back out the door

After that she went to dinner with her sister & brother in law who made her laugh and laugh and laugh

After that they went to Home Depot where all the Halloween stuff was 75% so they walked around wearing gorilla and werewolf masks looking for white flower pots but there weren't any so they left but not before Susan purchased both masks then they all did silly walks out the front door but Susan farted and everybody ran away from her 

11.03.2017

Susan bit her tongue at lunch. 
She was really chomping away at her Sexy Greek Salad when she bit a hole into the middle of her tongue. She's not even sure how that part of her tongue met up with her teeth, but it did.
She announced very calmly to her lunch mate Book Smart, I bit my tongue.
Then it started to hurt. It hurts she said. She may have repeated that piece of information a few times. Book Smart immediately told Susan to soothe her tongue against the roof of her mouth, but Susan had to finish chewing her salad first. 

Sidebar: Book Smart is very composed during emergencies evidenced when Susan overheard a matter-of-fact phone conversation with the husband about one of their kids:
What happened?
How much blood?
Remain calm. I'll meet you at the hospital.

Susan took two Advil and looked at her tongue in the mirror. There was a black spot and a nice 3/4" gash, like her tongue got knifed and was now dying. Susan spent the rest of the afternoon playing with the wiggly bitten piece.

Even with the tongue trauma Susan was able to eat sharp & salty pita chips when she got home. 


11.02.2017

Susan left work early so she could run home and get rescheduled by her tree removal guys. The trees in her yard are all thirty feet tall (conservatively) and some have developed a habit of keeling over but not hitting the ground. In March the first tree hit her neighbor's house, the current tree is being held up only by the branches of the tree next to it. 
A wee bit precarious, yes?

Earlier this year the tree gave up any impression of being alive and each time Susan looked at it she thought that's dead
She also thought that's going to be the next person's expense.
Wrong.

11.01.2017

Susan promised to write a BLAHg post a day for the month of November, here's day one:

Susan took a little spin around FB and saw the excess of bullsh*t some folks were shoveling. Susan knows the real story because she has observed those same folks conducting themselves in a manner opposite from what they've promoted on FB. 

Consistently opposite.
Susan invites anyone in her life to call her out on her own bullsh*t. She would appreciate that information.