OMG guys, it's been like a whole month since her last post, how much did you miss Susan?
But before we go even one sentence further, don't think that she didn't notice who did and who did not leave her a comment. She noticed. Big thanks to all who reached out and let Susan know she is not floating around in a cold, dark bloggy void. For everyone else, Susan is opting to set aside her disappointment and catch you up on the amazing magical journey of her life!
June was pretty exciting all on its own because, well it's June! But it became so much more wonderful when Susan hired landscapers to do everything she hates to do in her yard. Strangely, dog poop removal and poison ivy eradication don't bother her & will remain under her purview, but every detestable task involving leaves or twigs or grass has been contracted out. Good bye!
A flat tire led to a $1500 bill for Susan's elderly car, which was previously described by her mechanic thusly,
'For such a high end car they're really not well made'.
Susan had a June birthday and despite being dead set against enjoying it, Little Sister forced Susan to be happy, not crappy, for her middle-aged 56th. Then her work friends got their turn to shower Susan with love and attention. Susan is blessed. BLESSED she tells you!
She bankrolled her son's purchase of a used 6 cylinder Toyota, which enabled him to pass his 4 cylinder Toyota along to his sister. Prior to this arrangement she backed it into a cluster of mailboxes denting the trunk & dislodging part of the bumper which the son completely removed for fear that it would fly off on the road and kill someone. It has been through every member of the family and is quite broken in now.
Mid month she look a lovely Friday evening cruise with her family aboard the Lisa Ann:
Please Note: this photo was pinched from Little Sister, the professional selfie taker.
Then Susan's father had a pacemaker implanted which wore out her mother with anxiety. He explained to Susan the procedure of inserting a thin wire into his vein adding he 'I was more worried about them tickling my heart'. After it was all over he ate hospital grade Eggplant Parmesan, went to sleep & got home in time for Father's Day.
In between everything Susan also baked blueberry scones, met her sister for outdoor music on Wednesday nights, commissioned a Giant Jenga from Cousin Greg watched Columbo on Netflix, painted a hand-me-down dresser Flashy Sapphire, made stuffed peppers with orzo, chickpeas, feta & spinach and received a letter from a private investigator.
Home improvement was represented when Susan's son moved downstairs and his former pigsty was transformed into main floor guest accommodations. The daughter was allowed to choose the new color and came up with Florida Sunset. Who can't relax & fall asleep in a bright orange room, right?
The daughter graduated from High School, a happy and exciting event with a lot of speechy stuff from high ranking twelfth graders, none of whom had anything worthwhile to tell Susan about life. She thought of how things have changed since she & the husband sat there together two years ago and despite having a dead father her kids have excelled. Afterward, she commemorated the event by badgering her family to dress properly & show up on time for dinner.
On the final Friday of the month Susan installed a Record Wall at work:
Lastly but not leastly, Susan and her work pals spent a long weekend on Fire Island courtesy of their boss; there was a fake Housewives style fight, changeable sleeping arrangements, very rigid sleeping arrangements, staying out late, Cards Against Humanity, naps, borrowed clothing, long walks into town, bikes, blooming flowers, cooperative cooking & cleaning up, wagons and ferry rides.
CLICK HERE to read about last year's trip.
All in all there was nothing that Susan would be ashamed to admit in front of her children.
Happy Birthday, America!
Showing posts with label Fire Island. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fire Island. Show all posts
7.04.2016
8.23.2015
Earlier this summer Susan spent a long weekend at the beach.
How wonderful! you say.
Everyone loves the beach! you say.
Susan loves the beach too, but she hates the sun.
HATES.
The sun can burn out of the sky for all she cares.
Susan's boss at Acme Heaven Sent generously took eighteen of her coworkers to Fire Island. As soon as they hit the ferry Susan's work pals all started shedding their outer layers, turning their faces to the sun and making sounds of profound satisfaction. Susan covered herself up entirely, pulled her long sleeves down over her fingers and accepted the loaner of a ball cap even though it made her look like a dude.
Once there Susan unpacked the essentials needed for a weekend away with grown-ups; alcohol, Tums, Advil, bandages, sunscreen & incense. They would all be used. After a full evening of drinking, laughing and eating the group all collapsed into whatever predetermined situation they would be sleeping; girls with girls, boys with boys, a few of them snoring into the wee hours.
The next morning breakfast was hosted in the courtyard, Susan stepped into the sun and felt as if she would burst into flame. Her work pals were very obliging with giving up their shady seats, it appears that very few people visit Fire Island in order to sit in the shade.
Sidebar: Susan foolishly drank up her daily quota of alcohol in Mimosas.
When everyone started heading to the beach Susan panicked at the thought of being trapped in a sunny horror until hipped by two of her fair-skinned work sisters that beach umbrellas were available. In fact, Susan had but to point and grunt, the umbrella would be delivered & positioned for her.
A beach umbrella was all that was needed to restore Susan's mental health & make her world happy.

The day wore on in a most congenial manner, the work pals all enjoying each other's company, but there was also a darkness brewing...
Any break in Susan's regular diet often results in digestive upset, and little by little a gassy wickedness was taking form in Susan's delicate tummy. Instead of dispersing, it was building up making Susan expand like a balloon.
Susan was carrying a gas baby.
She tried to abort her gas baby with a handful of Tums. The gas baby just laughed and kicked.
Many suggestions were given but none proved the least bit useful in diffusing the gas baby. Sipping hot water alleviated some of the discomfort allowing Susan to keep from retiring early, which would be her usual remedy. So, Susan stayed up late talking sh*t, playing games, commiserating over a nearly decapitated Big Toe, sipping hot water & joining a search party to locate the drunkest member of her group.
In the morning the toe was still attached, the missing member was back & the gas baby was gone.
Susan is tired right now, so this will suffice as The End.
How wonderful! you say.
Everyone loves the beach! you say.
Susan loves the beach too, but she hates the sun.
HATES.
The sun can burn out of the sky for all she cares.
Susan's boss at Acme Heaven Sent generously took eighteen of her coworkers to Fire Island. As soon as they hit the ferry Susan's work pals all started shedding their outer layers, turning their faces to the sun and making sounds of profound satisfaction. Susan covered herself up entirely, pulled her long sleeves down over her fingers and accepted the loaner of a ball cap even though it made her look like a dude.
Once there Susan unpacked the essentials needed for a weekend away with grown-ups; alcohol, Tums, Advil, bandages, sunscreen & incense. They would all be used. After a full evening of drinking, laughing and eating the group all collapsed into whatever predetermined situation they would be sleeping; girls with girls, boys with boys, a few of them snoring into the wee hours.
The next morning breakfast was hosted in the courtyard, Susan stepped into the sun and felt as if she would burst into flame. Her work pals were very obliging with giving up their shady seats, it appears that very few people visit Fire Island in order to sit in the shade.
Sidebar: Susan foolishly drank up her daily quota of alcohol in Mimosas.
When everyone started heading to the beach Susan panicked at the thought of being trapped in a sunny horror until hipped by two of her fair-skinned work sisters that beach umbrellas were available. In fact, Susan had but to point and grunt, the umbrella would be delivered & positioned for her.
A beach umbrella was all that was needed to restore Susan's mental health & make her world happy.

The day wore on in a most congenial manner, the work pals all enjoying each other's company, but there was also a darkness brewing...
Any break in Susan's regular diet often results in digestive upset, and little by little a gassy wickedness was taking form in Susan's delicate tummy. Instead of dispersing, it was building up making Susan expand like a balloon.
Susan was carrying a gas baby.
She tried to abort her gas baby with a handful of Tums. The gas baby just laughed and kicked.
Many suggestions were given but none proved the least bit useful in diffusing the gas baby. Sipping hot water alleviated some of the discomfort allowing Susan to keep from retiring early, which would be her usual remedy. So, Susan stayed up late talking sh*t, playing games, commiserating over a nearly decapitated Big Toe, sipping hot water & joining a search party to locate the drunkest member of her group.
In the morning the toe was still attached, the missing member was back & the gas baby was gone.
Susan is tired right now, so this will suffice as The End.
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