Susan caught wind of this 30 Days of Gratitude thing which was probably devised just to bug people like her anyway.
Haven't we had enough with listing things to be grateful for?
Susan sure has.
If somebody doesn't say ENOUGH, then this gratitude bullsh*t is going to flourish.
Aren't we all grateful for the same boring stuff anyway; health, loved ones, clean towels, etc?
Ten years ago Susan was grateful for birth control.
Twenty years ago it was cigarettes.
Thirty years ago, what...The Go-Go's? Who cares.
Susan is grateful that none of the million horrible things that happen to nice people every day hasn't happened to her.
Susan is grateful when she has a question she can GTS (google that sh*t) instead of leafing through twenty volumes of an encyclopedia, like she did in the olden days
Susan is grateful that her mom can't make her eat fish sticks and spaghetti any more
Susan is grateful that she's sort of got the hang of Acme Sweatshop and makes it through most weeks intact
Susan is grateful for curse words.
Now, can we all f*cking stop telling everybody what we're grateful for? Sonofab*tch!
Showing posts with label Thankful Ugh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thankful Ugh. Show all posts
4.26.2012
Susan really hates the thankful list, each day it gets more laborious. She sits for an hour wracking her brain for 5 stupid things. F*ck being thankful, she's pulling the plug.
Let's talk about John Edwards.
Susan can't wait to rip open the newspaper every day and catch up on the lies, the money, the crazy baby-mama,the aliases, the laser like accuracy of the deceased wife, the immune aide, the dopey socialite and the former ambulance chaser who got too big for his britches.
Susan prays there'll be a made for TV movie.
4.24.2012
4.23.2012
4.22.2012
Today Susan is grateful for:
- Staying in bed to catch up on Jeff Lewis' Interior Therapy
- The Sunday papers
- All the wonderfulness contained in a cup of coffee
- Watching the rain
- Having her absent Brother In Law in town
4.21.2012
Susan attended a seminar during the week and was manipulated by the speaker to make a rash commitment in front of his audience. Susan's good with addressing a room full of people, but she doesn't like when she's got to pull something out of her ass to fulfill a requirement she does not value.
The seminar started out to be very promising, the speaker was energetic, Susan liked her table mates and she was very excited about having a day away from the responsibilities of Acme Sweatshop. It soon became clear that content of the seminar was not what she thought it would be. Nonetheless, she would participate and learn then be out the door by 3:30pm. Not bad.
After the lunch break Susan's attention span really dropped off and she found herself daydreaming just like she was back in fifth grade. When the seminar preacher made everybody stand and answer a simple question Susan was unprepared.
What was Susan willing to commit to doing differently?
She had honestly answered a similar question before lunch and now she had to come up with something else. As she listened to the other participants give their commitments she reviewed her sparse notes. Nothing.
Now it was Susan's turn and she blurted out the least likely thing she would ever do;
Each day I will write down 5 things that I am grateful for.
OMG. Who is she now, Oprah? Susan felt sick inside. She had lied about maintaining an attitude of gratitude to a room full of strangers whom she would never see again.
When she got home she was troubled by what she had done. She lied.
Susan used to be a liar. She used to lie to everyone except the person she would ultimately marry. Through a Herculean effort and self discipline she made herself become a truthful person. She might not tell you the whole truth, just what you need to know and she won't tell you that you look good in something when you don't. Neither will she differentiate between little white lies because they have just as much impact as big ones.
She does, however, reserve the right to lie about matters of opinion like saying that your party was fun or that your expensive kitchen remodel is beautiful.
So, for the next week Susan is going to post 5 things she is grateful for starting with:
The seminar started out to be very promising, the speaker was energetic, Susan liked her table mates and she was very excited about having a day away from the responsibilities of Acme Sweatshop. It soon became clear that content of the seminar was not what she thought it would be. Nonetheless, she would participate and learn then be out the door by 3:30pm. Not bad.
After the lunch break Susan's attention span really dropped off and she found herself daydreaming just like she was back in fifth grade. When the seminar preacher made everybody stand and answer a simple question Susan was unprepared.
What was Susan willing to commit to doing differently?
She had honestly answered a similar question before lunch and now she had to come up with something else. As she listened to the other participants give their commitments she reviewed her sparse notes. Nothing.
Now it was Susan's turn and she blurted out the least likely thing she would ever do;
Each day I will write down 5 things that I am grateful for.
OMG. Who is she now, Oprah? Susan felt sick inside. She had lied about maintaining an attitude of gratitude to a room full of strangers whom she would never see again.
When she got home she was troubled by what she had done. She lied.
Susan used to be a liar. She used to lie to everyone except the person she would ultimately marry. Through a Herculean effort and self discipline she made herself become a truthful person. She might not tell you the whole truth, just what you need to know and she won't tell you that you look good in something when you don't. Neither will she differentiate between little white lies because they have just as much impact as big ones.
She does, however, reserve the right to lie about matters of opinion like saying that your party was fun or that your expensive kitchen remodel is beautiful.
So, for the next week Susan is going to post 5 things she is grateful for starting with:
- The spring breeze coming through an open window
- Her new Kitchen Aid mixer
- Having her children in the house
- Mangoes
- Being employed
Till tomorrow.
11.25.2009
Right now Susan is thankful for;
Zombieland
food made with sugar
modern plumbing
The Onion
Euphoria by Calvin Klein
that Pearl Jam song
McSorley's Irish Black Lager
her fireplace
supermarkets that stay open late
Dr. Bob
and all her bloggy pals who gave Susan hugs & kisses
Happy Thanksgiving, guys.
Zombieland
food made with sugar
modern plumbing
The Onion
Euphoria by Calvin Klein
that Pearl Jam song
McSorley's Irish Black Lager
her fireplace
supermarkets that stay open late
Dr. Bob
and all her bloggy pals who gave Susan hugs & kisses
Happy Thanksgiving, guys.
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