Happy Birthday, Wild Bill

Susan is sort of missing Wild Bill who just up & took off without so much as a text goodbye to his sisters.

But, he's easy to track down and they anticipate that he'll be back in the summer. Hopefully alone.

This photograph of Susan with Wild Bill and their little sister is from way back in 1988 when little sister was
in the family way with the first of Susan's nieces. The photographer, Wild Bill's girlfriend at that time, remains one of Susan's favorite friends and periodic houseguest.

It's also nice to know that the years haven't beaten the sibs up too badly.

Wild Bill's been drinking the Irish cream, in fact, it's going home with him on Tuesday because Susan finds it so completely disgusting that she can't even stand to have it in the house. Currently it's outside in the snow.

Champagne and Chambord have made Susan's Christmas weekend happy.

Starting Monday she's going to cut out the goodies and sugar and a little bit of the drinking.
Next Monday.

Susan's got so many cookies in her house that her kitchen is like a bloody mine field. She added a new biscotti to her baking repertoire and has been tapping the big tin of rainbow cookies that her little sister made.
Rainbow cookies = almond paste.

Before the snow started making the roads really hairy, Susan, her son and Wild Bill went to the BIG, new, organized, clean thrift store. Susan's son went under protest but managed to fight through his lack of enthusiasm and find stuff for his mother to buy him. Wild Bill scored another twenty pounds of books about WWII and Abraham Lincoln as well as some cold weather gear. After 45 minutes Susan started to sneeze so they left.

Here's Wild Bill holding his birthday gift from Susan's son.

Wild Bill is big on flags and history and politics and is in the habit of opining at great length on each*. He carries a copy of The Constitution to keep him occupied when he has some free time and has been known to liberate a flag when incorrectly displayed.

Wild Bill enthusiastically educated Susan's children on the history of this particular flag; the Gadsen flag.

It was named for Colonel Christopher Gadsen who was involved with the first mission of the Navy in 1775. Accompanied by the Marines, the Navy was established to grab incoming British ships carrying war supplies to their troops in the colonies. The Marines carried yellow drums on which a coiled rattlesnake with thirteen rattles and the motto Don't Tread On Me were painted. Afterwards, Gadsen made up some flags and gave them away to a bunch of important people.

The first reference to the rattlesnake was made in a satirical commentary by that smart and funny guy, Ben Franklin twenty five years earlier. Four years later he used a picture of a snake cut into eight sections, representing the colonies, with the message Join or Die; the original political cartoon.

Wild Bill, fun and informative.

Footnote:
*A habit he picked up from his old man

One side of Susan's face is still swollen and a little black & blue. She's been using her tongue to play with the disintegrating stitches in her mouth but has been able to downshift from vicodin to ibuprofen for the pain.

Wild Bill came out to spend the afternoon which forced Susan to take a shower and change her clothes, something she hadn't done in 36 hours.
His daughter met them for lunch at a local hippie cafe, Susan ate the carrot ginger soup. Afterwards they walked a few doors down to the used book store where Wild Bill purchased forty pounds of books on WWII for nineteen dollars.

Their little sister came over for dinner and Susan ate some real food; soft chicken breast on top of salad greens with cranberries and goat cheese.
Again with the goat cheese.
She spent the rest of the evening farting.

Susan had the most delightfully entertaining conversation with Wild Bill this afternoon.

Earlier in the week he sent Susan a series of texts related to something about which he was a little apprehensive.
A few days had passed so Susan sent him a follow up text while she was running an errand. Wild Bill responded immediately! with question marks? and exclamation points! and wanted to know why she was asking?! Sensing some underlying hysteria Susan thought it would be fun to mess around with her brother a bit and was formulating an appropriate text when he called.

Without breaking any HIPAA laws Susan can safely reveal that Wild Bill's not like regular people his age. He's smart without being mature and everything about him is extreme; his views, his humor, the tone of his voice, his recreational activities, everything.
He's consistently maintained the same personality characteristics since he was five and can be tons of fun until one reaches their saturation point.
He has no fear of consequences and the more you try to get him to do something the less likely he is to do it, that's why it was so funny for Susan to find him in the middle of a full on panic about the possibility of impending consequences.

In the past he's told her I always bring a book to court in case I end up in jail.
Oy!

Wild Bill couldn't wait for Susan to text him back because he was hiding behind the sofa and had to know right that instant what she was talking about. Susan assured him that one Dumb Yankee Assh*le didn't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world and he should redirect his time toward less paranoid pursuits. During the course of their conversation Wild Bill tried not to have a heart attack and Susan roared with laughter at her brother's expense then spent the rest of the afternoon with a happy smile.

The TWISTED Susan Family Annual Update

OMG, it felt like last year went by so fast when in reality it took an entire year to drag its sorry ass across the finish line.
Things started out with lots of excitement;
Susan was unemployed, her car got repossessed and the family lost their medical benefits. Wow!
But, laughter is the best medicine and, boy did they laugh. LOL!
Did they let any of this stop them from going on vacation? No they didn't. Twelve hours in the car got them a long weekend in North Carolina visiting the husband's daughters.
Susan knows that she's kind of making fun by insinuating that this may have been a less than glamorous trip.
She wants to say it loud & proud that she had a terrific time and hopes to be invited back again, although it would be nice to fly there.
Like all proud homeowners behind on their mortgage payments there were home improvement projects during the year. The husband hung some shelves and Susan bought new towels. They're looking forward to Phase II when they repaint a room.
Let's not forget about the kids, they had their own busy schedules of going to school followed by a summer of putting pizza rolls in the microwave and watching TV.
Susan served as juror number 6 during the home invasion trial of a drug dealer. She loved jury duty because it was like criminal justice theatre. Plus, she had nothing else to do and they paid her $40 a day.
There were blessings for the family too, and everyone knows just how much Susan adores the word blessings. She can't hear it enough.
Blessings.
In an economically desolate environment Susan got herself a new job. And eventually a new car payment. And payroll deducted medical benefits. And contributions to a 401(k). Then the IRS played a little trick on them, but it was all in good fun and everyone had a big laugh. LOL again!
There was a visit from Wild Bill which is always fun and frustrating and maybe a little chaotic. This trip he delivered his daughter safely back to her New York family.
To stay, hooray!
The year ended with a coupla things and blah, blah, blah.
The end.

Ow. Hugs Hurt.

For the length of time Wild Bill is in NY he has a home at Susan's house and a job ninety minutes away. After a few weeks of getting home in time to sleep for four hours before he has to get up again he's taken to bunking at a buddy's house. This is a nice arrangement for him, at least until the buddy's wife decides she's had enough of the loud, guitar strumming stranger sleeping on her couch.
In the meantime both Susan's kids ask 'When's Uncle Billy coming home?' until someone answers them.

His current schedule is to show up every three or four days, stay a day or two, then split. Even with this abbreviated arrangement his sisters are happy to have him close because this is the most amount of time they've spent with their brother since they were all kids.

Wild Bill wears a khaki fishing vest, it's got a crap load of pockets that he fills with all his belongings.
It's like his pocketbook.
Anyway, the other night he shows up just shy of midnight and gave Susan a crushing bear hug which drove something bumpy and metal into her chest.
By the time she realized that she was being impaled by something in his pocket, she was released.

The next day Susan was sporting a bump just south of her collarbone, a little inside. Ow, she couldn't resist pressing the bump making it hurt.
The day after that the bump still hurt. Ow.
Three days later the bump is a little smaller but still hurts. Ow, because Susan keeps pressing it.

Wild Bill's Car

Wild Bill and his daughter drove up from the mountains of N.C. in a gigantic Buick. It was purchased the week they left and it's the sort of car his parents would drive.
In fact, it looks exactly like the car they drive.

It's not a new car, but it's larger than some of the rooms in Susan's house and very comfortable. It has many switches to do things like move seats and regulate the temperature.
Of course such a wonderful car has an alarm system.

Just before 9 on Sunday morning Susan was standing at the kitchen window. She was able to be in that location at that time because she does not attend church. Not unless her little sister makes her go to hear Susan's niece sing like an angel. Like an angel!

Anyway, Susan was standing at the window when a car alarm went off. It took her no time at all to figure out that it was Wild Bill's car. She ran downstairs to inquire as to the whereabouts of his keys. They were in his pocket.
He stumbled up the steps & staggered outside like Frankenstein on four hours sleep and turned off the alarm. Susan was relieved that it wasn't any earlier,
her personal viewpoint is that no apologies are necessary at 9 am, even on Sunday.

Monday night was warm so Susan and her husband slept with all the windows open in their bedroom.
At 4 am Susan slowly became aware of a rhythmic beat. Oh no!
All at once she sprang up in a panic and ran to the living room to verify what she already knew. Luckily Wild Bill was right there sleeping on the couch, keys in his pocket.
He staggered outside to turn off the alarm and Susan went back to bed.

A half hour later Susan bolted upright from a sound sleep and ran like a crazy woman into the living room.
The f*cking alarm!
She twisted her brother's toe and opened the front door then stomped back to bed where she tossed and turned for the next 90 minutes until she fell asleep again.

Family Fun

Susan and her little sister have a brother named Wild Bill
and Wild Bill has a daughter.
Two days ago Wild Bill and his daughter drove from
Dueling Banjos, N.C. to Suburban Civilization, N.Y.
for an open-ended visit.

Wild Bill is a true middle child who remains faithful to many of the behaviors and activities he enjoyed growing up.
This makes for some lively debate between his sisters in his absence.
But, for a brief period all the siblings and parents were together to make fun of each other and eat Chinese food. Then the parents went home because they like to leave as much as they like to visit.

Susan's going to miss having this conversation with her mother;
'Your coffee is too strong, Susan.'
'No, it's not.'As much as she'll miss having this one with her father;
'You want some coffee, Pop?'
'Yes, please.'